In my last post, I described how some of us feel about the way we look.  For those of us who are depressed and hate the image we project into the mirror, the idea of “wasting time” on our outward appearance is very unappealing.  It’s hard to get out of bed, much less spend time on ourselves.  We already know that it will be another day of imagining we will someday fit into our clothes.  I continue to save clothes that hold more memories than space for my little toe to fit into.  I have boxes and boxes of jeans, shirts, dresses, and sexy nighties that are too nice to part with; the sizes don’t matter.  My hope is that someday will come sooner than later.  Another thing would make this a good today.  If I started the Wii Fit exercise program that I bought; was it in January, of last year, or was it 2 years ago?.

The habit of procrastination is such a huge part of our world, that falling into this habit is very natural, especially for those of us who hurt when we walk or can’t get up from the floor.  I can’t fathom myself jumping around like a kangaroo or maintaining a heart rate of 160 bpm for 20 to 30 minutes, as cardio exercises require for weight loss.

Instead of torturing my body with the amount of physical activity it would take to loose the majority, if not all, the fat I have accumulated, I have decided to put Structured Exercise on the back burner.  I have to believe it has taken years to put on the fat, so it will take years to burn it off.  Did you know the fat comes off the opposite way it goes on?  If the last place you gained is in your hips, you can expect your hips to be the first place you’ll loose.

Lets try baby steps.  How about making it a priority to wash your face, first thing in the morning.  The feeling is fresh and stimulating.  Try it for a few weeks and see how much better you feel.  This is the first baby step.  That is it!  If you do this for awhile, you will feel much better about yourself.

Just imagine yourself opening your eyes to the cloudy haze you see through your matted sleepy eyes.  Rubbing makes your eyes feel somewhat better, but there is still a glaze keeping you from focusing.  Stumbling out of bed, you try to read the obscured numbers of the clock and find it aggravating to make out the time .  After putting on your slippers, your first stop is the bathroom.  Looking into the mirror, you notice that your hair is rumpled and sticking straight up, so you comb or brush, using water to get the hairs to lay down.  You grab a face cloth and swish it under cool water.  After wringing the cloth, you wipe your face, taking care not to miss your eyes.  The refreshing water is exhilarating.  As you leave the room, noticing your vigor and clarity, the day doesn’t look so bleak anymore.  You can now give meaning to your day.  What could that meaning be, you ask?

If you start your day with zest, there is no end to the hope you feel.  And this, all from as simple of task as, Washing your Face!

Happy washing

I thought I would post a few things about Weight Management, Dieting, Food Control, or whatever name we use for “pushing the plate back and taking the fork out of our mouth”.

There are many different reasons why we have an affinity for food. Besides the obvious need to survive, there are aspects that taunt our senses, keeping us from being reasonable about eating.  The smell of pork bacon searing in a pan.  The sound of fajita meat and vegetables, searing in a cast-iron skillet.  The sight of an glistening, oven-roasted, 20 lb turkey, sitting in the middle of the dining room table.  The feel of that warm, soft, and chewy homemade bread with melted butter, (this smells wonderful too), and lastly, the taste of rich and creamy chocolate, in every form.

We make excuses as to why we overeat.  A list of our general excuses can get so ridiculous, because most of us over-eat for our own reasons.  Controlling our splurges brings on feelings of guilt.  These feelings are there to cause us to push the plate back before we eat too much.  So why don’t we obey our feelings, in this area?  Guilt hurts, especially when it comes to food, and we still over-eat?

Some can control their appetite by willing it to go away. For those of you, who have the blessing of Eating-to-Live, I commend you. I am very jealous. (Don’t you just hate those people?  You know, the ones that leave 1/2 their food on the plate! I just want to grab them and shake.  Even though, I am sure people glare, I want to shout, “What is wrong with you?! Don’t you understand that I am a starving orphan?!” I want to snatch what is on their plate and eat it too).  We will use whatever tactics we can in order to make sure we are getting enough to eat.  Our bodies hold proof, as our nation is continually growing outward.

For those of us who Live-to-Eat, I don’t have the answer, yet. As you can see, from my picture, I am overweight.  “Morbidly obese”, as labeled in the medical field.  According to the Medical Dictionary, Morbid obesity is weighing twice your recommended weight.

Webster’s Dictionary defines Morbid as: “a state of overweight so great that it prevents normal activity or bodily function and will likely cause a serious or life-threatening disorder”.  If you don’t think these words are flattering, Webster has a list of synonyms for Morbid: comfortless, depressing, funereal, godforsaken, lonely, lonesome, miserable, gloomy, morose, somber, gray or grey, (What’s with the gray?  I already know that I am getting older, thank you).

I especially love the Godforsaken one: god·for·sak·en adj \-fər-ˌsā-kən\ Definition of GODFORSAKEN 1: remote, desolate 2: neglected and miserable in appearance or circumstances.

What I am trying to say is, no wonder most the overweight are so depressed, lonely, hostile, rejected, inferior, and singled out.   Okay, with that said, what to do?

Truth be told, weight management is an internal issue. This I DO believe. I would like to discuss the issue of eating, for true health, over the next few posts. Thanks for indulging me in this study, of why we eat too much. I know it is just the beginning of other posts. Who knows, our subjects may lead us into other issues, which are holding us back from experiencing the joy we seek and are promised, in life. Hugs

Where is your “happy place”? I enjoy this new question that I hear a lot, lately. I have a few favorite singing artists that just bring an otherwise rough and rocky day into the bliss that I seek. Just a few minutes with notes expressing soft and gentle breezes on an April morning. The rustle of the orange and gold leaves while walking on an September day.

The art of visualization is most powerful in comforting yourself during hard times. Our minds have great abilities to provide us with all the release that we need when we are feeling lost, or at the end of the road. It is when we feel that there is no hope, that we fight ourselves for answers that will take away the pain and discomfort we are experiencing, and if we can just take a few deep breathes and experience the plethora of adventures just waiting to be accessed within us, we can overcome most things by choosing not to succumb to external circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, there are things that we have no control over; however, when confronting those things, you can control, I hope you will decide to choose life.

There are many options for relieving stress or finding comfort. We, as a majority, habitually run from one addiction to the next, trying to find the comfort and satisfaction that our mind needs. Some of these addictions are obvious to others or illegal, which causes heaps of guilt that is usually dealt with by learning not to care, even when we are caught and punished for simply wanting the pain to go away. You tell others and yourself, “I can’t help myself!” We are told, “You just don’t want to.” These struggles are never-ending, it seems. There is hope!

What I do, while figuring out solutions to questions like: Am I worth it? Do I care? Are there any reasons for me to live? Why do I exist? (This makes me think of an interesting experience with my husband while I was going through one of these times. I was fixated on the question, “What is reality?” So, I thought I would ask my husband, who is a PhD chemist, this question. You should have seen the look on his face. I don’t think I ever got a straight answer from him, but it made for a most exhilarating conversation. Try it sometime and see where it goes). Anyway, I journal my thoughts with questions and words that are flooding my mind. It doesn’t matter the order, structure, or spelling. I just write for however long it takes to make myself let go of those “rotten” thoughts that are poisoning my mind and bringing me down. Once, I have dumped it all onto the paper, I rip it or shredding is always fun. It releases me from feelings that hurt and keep my joy, in life from shining through. The whole crux of this comfort thing, is this…You have to want it, or it won’t happen, even in a “no win” situation, there is hope. Hang in there and seek the answers you need. They are there. Hugs.

I have struggled with the issue of addiction, dependence on something outside myself, and the need for comfort, since I was a very young child. As I age, each time the deep thoughts on this issue come back, I realize, I know a bit more, but still have an extreme fear, longing, and need in this area of life.

Now that I am almost 50, I understand that I am not alone in this challenge. I know that over the years, all I seem to do is bounce from one addiction to the next. Always feeling the tremendous guilt of “failed” again. For half a century, I have wrestled with issues that all come down to comfort.

This has caused much pain and conflict over the years. I don’t have the answers, still. However, I know that the solutions are internal. One thing that we have all heard and observed, is the need to be loved and comforted. Knowing this, and knowing we were created to worship something, helps me to understand, we all have lots of hurdles to overcome.

Each of us has our own convictions toward our Higher Power. I believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I believe in the Father of Christ, and the Holy Spirit. With that said, I know that I need to focus on understanding how to allow God to comfort me in these needs.

Okay, I do believe this. I do want to DO this too. I am certainly a stronger person in my faith, than in years past. That is a continual, only ending when God is revealed, type of faith. It is the Hope that is finally realized. This is my question. How do I attain the satisfaction of comfort from addictions, before I die?

My main struggles are within my own head and heart. Some say, “Just Do It”, or, “All that matters is that you are happy”. I can’t speak on the right or wrong of these statements, but I can say that they cause me grief. It hurts my spirit to think I can’t do or have, either, if they are the answer. My desires are to control the “What if’…”, statements of this life.

What if I hurt someone else with what I choose?
What if I cause someone else to choose badly?
What if I don’t do what I am supposed to do before it is too late?
What if I don’t get there before someone else does and I loose?

It can go on and on, and does!

I remember how happy, and comfortable I was as a child. I wasn’t addicted to anything. I would wake in the morning to see the sun shinning and hope the day wouldn’t be over too quick, because I had too much playing to do. I trusted that all the stuff that I didn’t know, would be handled by my parents. All the addictions over time have been my attempt to return to that place. A place where I wanted for nothing and there was no excessive exposure to pain. Yes, I felt disappointment, lose for a short time, and several cuts and bruises, however, that was only temporary set backs.

I listen to the experts tell me different things in order to get one solution. To be able to overcome the damage that life has caused in me. Or wait, maybe it was me that caused that damage, or was it something that “just happened”? I have been searching for too long for the solution. I examine myself from inside out, and then outside in. And, wow, it helps me to grow, but never solves it.

So, what is the secret, if there is a secret, to help happiness be a standard in life, in spite of the past, present, or future? Choices that I made, and continue to make, always have an effect on more than just me. What I feel at one moment, when a decision is made, isn’t the same feeling I have when making the next decision. So, my life is made up of a lot of tumbled down decisions.

How many of us try the “Will Power” way of life? How about the “Just Let It Happen”, approach? I know, the “Planned and Calculated” way is best? What if I read how my personality is to respond to stimulus outside myself? Am I supposed to change in order to suit this, even if I don’t feel it is correct?

I know I have been doing a lot of rambling in hopes of getting a message out there. I feel we all have this daily game we play with ourselves. How our day goes, depends on how we think. Maybe we didn’t sleep good the night before and have no patience. The people in our life have their own agenda and self-worth. When they wake and don’t respond to you, as you think they should, you set your day up to be dark and gloomy or antagonistic. By doing this, we find the comfort we are looking for. No one likes to be alone, so why not bring everyone else into your unhappy place, since it is too hard to get into their happy place.

Has anyone felt that twinge of guilt that comes when we make everyone else around us miserable? Or the ache that goes with the knowledge that your influence has brought someone else down? Some say that you should just ignore what others think and move on. Okay, I would do that, but the ability to not care isn’t one of my traits, and the challenge is that I DO CARE! I can’t stop caring because someone says I shouldn’t.

We can change a lot about ourselves, however, when we exchange good traits for bad ones, in order to keep from pain, it only drives you deeper into the hole that is being dug. Here’s another thought. We are told that we can only be responsible for ourselves. This has never made sense to me, because I feel responsible to others for how I act. I think we all do because, those who break the rules, are considered to be bad, rebellious, and against the normal. The normal has be set to keep people from being irresponsible. This isn’t just regarding ourselves. If we don’t watch out for others, then we loose our worth and a community. Think about when you feel your best? I feel my best when I am helping someone who is in need. I wouldn’t feel this way without responsibility in someway, to others.

Well, this was my desire, to put some very thought-provoking things out there, in hopes you will run with it. That you’ll keep digging into your “Comfort Zone”.

In the next post, I will discuss some of the addictions, in my life, that allowed decisions, I have made and continue to make. There is something “comforting” in deciding that seeking comfort, isn’t always the wrong decision. Especially when it comes to addictions.

Hugs, Cinderella

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Sweet Hugs,
Cinderella

Ms. Mullins says so much in this video about the human ability to influence others.

Mullins was born with fibular hemimelia (missing fibula bones) and, as a result, had both of her legs amputated below the knee when she was a year old. She is a graduate of Parkland High School in Allentown and Georgetown University in Washington, D.C.
While attending Georgetown University, she competed against able-bodied athletes in NCAA Division I track and field events. She competed in the Paralympics in 1996 in Atlanta, in which she ran the 100-meter dash in 17.01 seconds and jumped 3.14 meters in the long-jump.
Also while at Georgetown, Mullins won a place on the Foreign Affairs internship program, working at The Pentagon. She also makes appearances as a motivational speaker, and is a fashion model and actress. (from Wikipedia)

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Happy Day,
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Take sometime out of your busy schedule and take a peek.  Who knows?  You may just find something……

I will be featuring a different product each day…..
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Hope you find this helpful,

Happy Day,

Cinderella

One such teaching that needs refreshing is Peer Influence.  Peer influence is the way that we see peers and the way that we allow ourselves to be influenced by them.  Whereas, Peer Pressure is where others, within the same age or peer grouping are putting pressure on you to change or be what they want you to be or how they want you to act.  Do you see the difference in the operating word here?  Pressure is the other person’s choice and Influence is your choice.  I didn’t see the difference for so long, yet, I felt it in my subconscious.

Others only have the amount of control over you, that you allow them to have.  As teen-agers going through adolescence, the changes are huge.  The self imagine and self talk of a teen is so self absorbed that the ability to sway a decision from good to bad is one simple yes.

What causes that decision to change?   A good person, who grows up in a good home, with good morals and then the unthinkable happens.  One day, a parent gets a call from the local police station that her daughter was arrested for breaking and entering someones home.  A School Principal has to suspend a Honor Roll child for smoking in the bathroom.  Maybe, a Neighbor has to call the parents of a group of young boys who she witnesses beating up the new kid on the block.  Where do we start and why do we have to even deal with such behavior?

Misconceptions are all around us.  The quicker we recognize what they are, the better we are able to deal with them.  Teaching our children to stay away from bad influences isn’t bad in itself.  We realize that there is harm is being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  But, that isn’t the bottom line of most issues that kids will face as they grow up.  We need to teach the kids to take responsibiltiy for what they are thinking.  Help them to recognize their own thoughts and how they work for or against them.

Take for example a teenage girl that just started at a new school.  She is 13, fairly slender, but not skinny.  At 13, she is thinking, “SKINNY, BONEY, TOOTHPICK”, among other adjectives.  She looks in the mirror and sees what she is thinking.  She wonders if others will see her that way too.  As she gets off the bus in front of her new school, she sees a boy that she thinks is cute.  Almost as soon as that thought enters her mind, she starts thinking about her toothpick leggs, her wirey ankles, and boney knees that are showing since she decided to wear the red skirt that was too short, instead of the blue one that was longer.  She lowers her head so as not to have eye contact with the boy and brings her books up to her chest for comfort, as she quickly shuffles past him.  The boy never said a word to her, never had the chance to say anything, however, the girl won’t forget and will probably avoid that boy.

Lets take it a step further, where the girl feels deeply about that boy’s thoughts.  The thoughts that were really her own conception of his thoughts.  Later, she makes friends with a girl that she is comfortable enough to share with.  At lunch, the two girls are sitting at a table eating, and the boy comes in and sits at the same table.  While the boy still has said nothing to or about the girl, the girl starts sharing with her new friend.  She might say something like, “You see that boy that just sat down?  Well, this morning, when I got off the school bus, he thought my leggs were skinny”.  The new friend just happens to know that particular boy and his reputation.  The new friend makes a rude comment to the boy about how could he be so mean.   Well, of course, the new girl sides with her new friend and collaborates with her out loud.

How fair was that to this boy?  How real was that to this girl?  These types of scenarios are happening all the time.  Everyday, everywhere we are misconceiving what others think of us, by our own bias thoughts.  How can we prevent this?  Education on what is real and what isn’t, will help.  Focusing on self thinking and perception, rather than on the external presence of someone else.  We can never control what others think about us, unless we purposely try to.  And then, are we really sure that they are thinking what we are thinking that they are thinking?  What a mouthful.

An example of one of these thought provoking moments was when my children and myself were out shopping for RVs.  We stopped at the only Motorhome dealership in our area.  I walked into the place and let the salesman know that I was looking for some type of Motorhome and that his shop was the first stop that we had made.  I told him what I was looking for, and that I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted just yet.  He said that he only had one vechile that would fit my description and then he got the keys out.  I thought his statement was a bit strange since I hadn’t given him anything but general information to go on.   I wasn’t sure how he could conclude that he only had one item available for me to look at.  I brushed that thought off and followed him out to the Motorhome with my boys right behind me.

We got up into the motorhome and the salesman was relucant to help too much.  I told him that I would like to test drive it, but would like to look a bit more.  The salesman looked right at me and said, “Well, do you have someone else that is going to go in on his with you?”.  I replied with, “Why, do you mean a husband?”.  The salesman said, “Yes, and why don’t you come back later on with your husband and you can test drive it then.

You can imagine what I was thinking!  My reality to this situation was that the man didn’t want me to test drive the vehicle without my husband and that I wasn’t able to drive the vehicle for myself.  His reality was that he had a lady there with 2 small boys wanting to test drive a motor home and he didn’t feel that I was serious.  He made a $6,600.00 mistake, because I was going to buy the motorhome and thought that the price was right.

However, I chose not to buy from him and tell all my friends about his bigotted attitude.  See how things can get really warped over something so simple.  I really don’t know what that salesman was thinking, because I left without dealing with him.

In summary, I think that if we just recognize the difficulty and train our minds how to think about ourselves and others, we could better deal with such issues as Peer Pressure.  Peer Pressure isn’t Peer Influence.  They are opposites of each other.  Thanks for listening and I hope it will help.

Cinderella S. Kelley Kroh (Original posting on Sunday, May 25th, 2008)